shall we just pretend, then? ignore my anger and my spiteful jabbing words, shall we pretend i had too much sugar or pills or caffeine or what have you, ignore my disjointedness? it's what we're best at, you know. you and your booze, the way you see right through me, all our west coast secrets illuminated by this harsh southern sun. i won't tell if you won't tell but you know i have more to lose.
i am full of lies and half-truths that tumble out together because i cannot bear that quiet look you give me across the table. you know it but it's the only way i can keep you guessing. shall we never admit that we live in different realms though we were born kin? almost-brother and yet i was raised in a house of secrecy that even you cannot penetrate.
at least you can look at me and feel all right with your mild malaise. i am useful for comparisons. i am useful in being the one worse off, the rogue, the hopeless one. and there is that, i guess.
3 comments:
I was raised in a house built on secrets as well, I know what it does to ones soul. I hope, for both of us, that there is a way to mend our souls.
I missed you while I went away. Im glad you're still here, writing and sharing <3
Your post on Thursday resonated deeply with me. I often look around and think, "Where is the adult? I need an adult to step forward here and handle this." But the adult is me. I have always been frightened by responsibility and I honestly don't know how I accumulated so much of it. Like you, there are times when I long for the luxury of putting it down and running away from home.
darling, darling, darling. have you received my love? i sent it via airmail. post-marked two hundred years ago, where i wish we were. maybe we could live on common ground; literally. maybe that would be nice. i love the word "nice". it's so neutral and friendly and comfortable. xxx x x x
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