because there is nothing like being horrifically drunk on jameson and ginger soda with friends you can be an asshole with and who will put you to bed so you can get a two-hour nap before driving in the rain to the airport, and my god, everywhere i go these days i am afraid i will see someone i know. this town is getting too small for the both of us, you know. in my head we agreed to me on the east side and you the west but i don't trust you that much, i just can't, you've got all that fame and fortune now and has it gotten into your brain yet, have you become what you hate? or maybe i am seeing shadows from a past life, shadows of the dead, my own dead face mirrored back at me in the glare of the sun, in these long dawn shadows that make my step unsteady and half-dead.
well. it's eight days starting now. i have the appropriate pills and aloofness, i have the appropriate excuses. i am properly coldhearted.
5 comments:
beautiful, strong anise
you will get through it, and flying too
dear missus greengrass-prettyface,
i know things about:
dogs;
birds;
cats;
dishwashers;
colours;
cultural points of differentiation;
slang;
pictures;
feelings;
stephen fry and his abnormally parallel lives;
spontaneous art (when you feel like going outside, getting a branch, hanging it upside down in the kitchen and feeling super shiny;
kitschiness;
alternative music;
jumpers with silver threads woven into them;
coathangers;
suicide notes of famous people;
fingerprinting;
fingerpainting;
prepaid phones and the annoyance of running out of credit;
how beautiful you are;
jumping on trampolines;
watching endless tv series;
how to rent dvds/blurays/ps3 games/xb360 games/ds games to people who are prepared to pay a lot of money;
neil gaiman;
harry potter;
arachnids;
fear of the dark, the unknown, the future;
keep calm and carrion;
how i'd like to decorate my own space when i have a space of my own;
the way sun looks when you see it through a thick, thick, thick clump of ferns and bushes;
thickets, rainforests, trees;
that the hugest tree in the world had branches wider than men are tall (it is 1550 years old);
chocolate;
how to put sliding doors back on their rollers;
amazing baths;
beaches;
collecting shells and sea glass (pixie glass is what we call it);
painting fun shapes;
colouring-in with textas;
making texta guns;
procrastination;
sidelines;
back-burners;
being sent away;
that the oldest tree in the world is in sweden and, at a tender 9550 years of age, it is still going strong (but is as freaking scrawny as a rake);
the way you deflect people;
the way that maybe your eyes shut down whenever people try to be nice to you, or at least the guard comes on out to check that everything IS going to be okay (he has his hands on the button ready to slam that fucking roller door DOWN);
proverbs;
prodigal sons;
the bible;
arguments;
war;
stupidity and poor decision-making;
the way that if you don't let things out, all of the pent-up nonsense that comes in starts oozing out of the pours and eventually leads to some pretty rash decision-making;
how annoying drama queens are;
how easy it is to feel like a drama queen;
what it is to feel as though you're making something of ABSOLUTELY NOTHING (whether this be because you believe yourself to be nothing or because you just started crying due to a post-it note falling from it's position on the wall);
concessions;
falling down;
what happens when doctors give up;
a little bit of french;
spelling long, hard words;
brick houses;
fairy mythology;
dragon mythology;
grecian mythology;
how to conjugate verbs in english;
how to use the internet;
how to NOT keep/make friends;
what happens when you hide from your friends;
what happens when you hide from your family;
what happens when you have NO ONE ELSE;
how to recycle paper;
how to make banana and chocolate chip muffins;
the basics of morning television;
exactly the kind of film i'd like to make;
how to become thin (not that i put this into practise);
that i like semi-colons;
that i love the idea of journalling;
that evelyn waugh kept a journal from age seven;
how to do a magic trick with a zippo;
how to eradicate racism (the un-fun solution);
that my brother weighs forty-four kilograms and is two and a half inches taller than me;
that my friends will probably read this comment;
how to play solitaire;
how to play spider solitaire;
how to choose books by their covers;
how to watch videos on youtube;
how to feel dead;
how to set digital watches and clocks;
how to read poetry;
the reason that what goes up usually comes down;
the way people like you to answer the phone;
the way people like you to do your hair;
the way people like you to dress;
the way people want to be different;
why people want to be individuals; and
why the mona lisa is smiling.
just kidding about that last one.
and last saturday, christmas. my grandmother drew her eyebrows on with lip-liner. they were very red. we all made a joke about how she and i needed to trade eyebrows. it wasn't funny because she was extremely drunk.
the comment verification is blesse. make of it what you will.
it's been a long time since i wrote you a comment, a long story as to the reason why also.
but i've missed you. you and your words and beauty.
x xx
Keep on working, great job!
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