or, do i feel it too acutely?

what is it about, though?

i see an iris every time i blink and my fingers are too cold to type. 

there was snow this morning, you know. 
descent into the belly of the great beast.
you're sleeping still so you don't know. 
and the air is pregnant. 

only i can't tell with what.
whose mood is whose?
with which past do i have the luxury of sharing my time this time?

she slept and i was quiet so as to bathe in my own time. 
he slept even when i kicked him because he chose to keep and cuddle my time. 
it was never mine. 

and the late sun steals my mornings. if you could call it that. 
it tries to reach me but it can't quite. too much grey, thick between us. 
cold and light are different properties, the physicists would say.
they don't affect each other. 

kicking him does not affect the deflation of time either, yet it does. they do. 
don't tell me the space of time does not have properties. 
i do not accept your PhDs. 

there are more than five senses, you know. 
proprioception, the sense of your body in space. 
sense of balance, of temperature, of pain, of acceleration.
sense of time. 

my nerves are damaged. i can't sense pain properly. 
i feel a temperature that you do not, between ice cold and scalding hot
that is neither and both and liable to get me into trouble. 

time, time is the same. 
we are strange bedfellows. 
because space is time and time is space with which the physicists agree on a macro scale but down here where it is cold and you are sleeping and my fingers are cold i cannot feel time.

which is why i resort to stealing and kicking. 
it is a strange thing i cannot seem to own and it frightens me. 

i am frightened of the winter which feels long and dark. 
i cannot get the hang of tuesdays or the latter half of the month. 

i am time-blind and there is not a disability category for that. 
left to founder. 
left to apologise. 
left to fill the time-hole with fears and wants.

the sun is all i've got to keep gauge of the days and there is none here, there will be none here, there was none here, i think.
i'm trying to understand but it slips through in the dark.