we who were made ghosts before we understood what it was to be human want so badly to slip into the grainy stills of black and white until we look the way we feel, until we feel nothing at all, and thereby somehow prove we are something.
don't you see? we are heartbreaking.
and still i am negating myself and i cannot not, despite my fading color, the slipshod patchwork of my brain, my dead pale eyes that say we know this story already, we know the end but tell it all the same, let's live it through again
11 comments:
This touched me.
I often wonder if total emptiness could erase me.
You write so beautifully about something so painful.
x
maybe, just maybe if i crouch down in the corner behind the sofa no one will see me. maybe then i will be invisible. the endless cycle, is there ever an end? when does it stop? when is enough enough?
Love of mine, dear child
You will never be invisibile. It wouldnt be fair if you were.
We need you. You're a bright shining star, a wonder who shall not ever be hidden.
You're extremely talented.
that is just it, i do not know, i am unable to tell, though i am very aware that i have already taken it too far. as for that, i could say i you want it you will get it, but i know that everything is so much more complicated and self sabotage makes it worse.
i don't know! i don't know! i wish i did and i hate that i don't. oh, what do you want? really, truly want?
There are a lot of things I would do, a lot of things I wuld easily lie about, and I dont have a lot of limitations. But No, i wouldnt try to make you feel better if I didnt mean what I said, because falsy better isnt better at all.
Kim isn't feeling to well, so she's taking some time off. Reading, drinking coffe and eating cookies. But she'll be all right, I know she will be.
i love you i love you i love you i love you.
and i've missed you.
that is all, because you probably don't remember me. i only commented once or so. but i could never forget you, anise, and your blog (with all it's never ending beauty of course)
i wish i hadn't gone away, but unplanned situations have navigated my life so reading has been almost impossible
i could consume your words and they would keep me warm and full and beautiful forever. could i do that? xx
oh you are too beautiful. your words and the pictures you choose make my heart hurt.
Have i told you lately, that I do adore you?
yes, this is heartbreaking. but anise, you are made of light and so i pray to a god i never believed in that you will never cease to exist.
love, io
Your writing really touches me. Beautiful. x
I meant to comment but I can't remember. You are lovely lovely lovely and I'm wondering about selective invisibility, if you can still teach me that, but you'll need to exist to be able to show me.
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