evisceration

my brain fell out of words. wait, words fell out of my brain. grad school time is not in alignment with your time. i have reached a whole new level of numbness. 

nothing worth it. sleep, my beloved, has come to me regularly.

i am encapsulated in this glacial plane of time. i will miss your birthday your anniversary baby cousins being born, it just doesn't happen in here because we are stuffed fat with phonemes and clusters and blends. it is quite quiet in here, though. my globe is made of thick glass, so the light will shine in. 

brain weighs more than the body. mostly, i've given up spelling. really, correct spelling was never a thing until some tightwad decided to regulate it. my fingers type things without consultation from brain. usually brain is informed on these things but brain is an absent parent right now, with more important things to do, apparently. 

body is yelling; it is weak. face hurts. stuffed-down creative bit of brain is pregnant with adjectives, metaphors, life. beginning to atrophy. i have to search for you. you are a sad timid creature now. they are all yelling and yelling but absent parent chooses selective deafness. 

i can't live like this.
not here. 
not in this place of horrors where angry ghosts are real and do my laundry on saturdays.