i don't know what i'm feeling.
but there are words swirling around inside but i can't hear what they're saying. they are trying to make me afraid.
something about the way my organs feel like they're leaking out. brain through the ears. liver and intestines through the belly button. uterus. bladder. eyeballs rolling in sludge while the brain leaks. just an emptying out.
i've started trying to throw my things away again. i have too many things. i have empty cabinets but i'm still too cluttered.
tonight there's a sort-of harvest moon, a low-slung crescent. always i imagine i see the whole moon's roundness, its belly heavy with honey.
the wholeness makes me feel safe. you cannot see but it's there; you take it on faith, because it is there.
faith is safety in stasis. roundness. mass shape and form despite the blackness. finish the circle and you're safe, there's a whole in there.
it's me. i'm still too cluttered.
am i even here in the dark?
