here's wishing memory wasn't a slippery little fish with spines that poke and draw blood and a hook in too deep to pull out without ripping off the jaw.
i am laying here gasping drowning in the air, ribs heaving gills useless and the dead weight of fourteen atmospheres pressing down.
i've been reading books about memory, Kundera, Primo Levi, books to slow time, books to vanish into. i'll live in your world please. preferable to this half-life, this gravitas, buried here beneath stones.
9 comments:
little miss anise, amaris loves you and your existence very much.
it's odd - everytime we pass leafless trees here I think I am in giffith park, that bit we drove past where your flatmate said she remembered playing on the trees. Identical trees on the bus ride to the hospital.
what happened to the wonderful duo of helpers you have? helpful?
I miss you. I am living in a daze with a heavy stomach and an angry scale, knowning only when I dare to think past the words of my chapter that i am numb too.
I think the world has coated me in anesthetic cream to numb the blow when I fall.
But however dazed I may be, I can always run to catch you, or lessen the fall, as you lessened mine back in january xxx
The imagery is so vivid and painful. Philosophy damns all, no?
Life is just a dream, theres no such thing as death, and we are the imagination of ourselves.
The world is like a ride at an amusement park. It goes up and down and round and round. It has thrills and chills and it's very brightly coloured and it's very loud and it's fun, for a while. Some people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to question: Is this real, or is this just a ride? And other people have remembered, and they come back to us, they say, "Hey - don't worry, don't be afraid, ever, because, this is just a ride..." But we always kill those good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok. Jesus - murdered; Gandhi - murdered; John Lennon - murdered; Reagan..... just wounded. But it doesn't matter because: It's just a ride. And we can change it anytime we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings and money. A choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love, instead, see all of us as one
you said, a while ago, that you were studying latin. do you still?
The photos and your words flow together so well. Even if I feel sort of sad now.
beautiful pictures. all i can say.
dearest one, if you hadn't been borne, then where would I get all my light and inspiration? please dont think that way.
I adore you.
great blog !
I can't make you not wish you had been born, but I can give you an award :)
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